The teeter totter mindset

>>The past few weeks my mind has been clouded by doubt, low self esteem and anxiety when concerning anything related to the arts and photography. Fear and loathing in Lost Wages. I am not a commercial, pro or freelance anything except human soldering station, so when it comes to photography my mind goes awry with worry about the who, why, what and how (the where is the easy part).

Recently after looking at a Yahoo group that concerns itself with DIY black and white imaging I began to feel a little more at ease with my self and loosened the grip I had on my psyche with regards to photography.

Will I succeed? That remains to be seen, but I need to plant my feet on the ground and start moving with confidence.<<

Well this was how I felt a week or so ago when I started this post, but now after looking through some old stuff the old again and trying to sort some things self doubt crops up again. Too much anxiety about things overall. Organization is beyond me, I falter just thinking about it but it's what needs to be done if I ever want to do anything besides collect butterflies. And then there's having a plan, harumpf I come up with these all the time only to find out they were premature in concept and short on follow through. I wished I could just push the whole thing off a cliff or crush it under a 10 ton truck.

MJ - aiding and abetting the downfall

Now that the dude is buried (more or less) let's throw off the sequined glove shall we?


I really feel this whole Michael Jackson thing is a farce and the MSM has blood on their hands along with his family, his hangers on, the industry and most of all MJ himself. OK so enough already with the kudos and memorials and teary eyed remembrances from friends, industry people and misguided fans.

He among other things molested children, and add to that he got them drunk in order to have his way. It is a documented and undisputed fact.

I'm going to let him slide on the drugs and the material excess, as Elvis was not immune to those nor plenty of others before them both. But now concerning the pedophilia, that's a whole other matter. Funny thing is, is that the MSM and society VILIFY anyone resembling a molester, sexual predator or pervert. Period. And from all accounts he was all of these. So why does he get a pass? Or rather how...?

Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, that's how, I perceive. They put up the instant karma shield from retribution and malicious intent around the legacy that is "The King Of Pop" simply by putting themselves to work for the estate and giving the air of victim legitimacy they are so pro at, plus add to that the MSM seeing a golden opportunity to cash in and of course not wanting to bite the gloved hand that will be feeding them for some time, they decide to keep mum on the whole sordid mess concerning little boys, 'Jesus juice' and masturbation.

Now granted there can always be some gray area in terms of intent, consent etc that confuses things to some degree, but we're not talking about the average schlub or situation here, but someone who is almost godlike in his star status taking advantage of impressionable young boys by using that status to have his way with them. And then pays millions in lawyer's fees to achieve a settlement and in the process casts the shadow of pimps and small time hustlers over the parents of the boys to disguise his reprobate and highly manipulative nature.

Creep.

And so you paid them off, essentially got off scot free and went on to build up debt like the US of A and then make a comeback only to die before the opening show. Now you're a prince of peace, an angel, a dove heading toward heaven a, a, a freakin' con man of staggering proportions. And everyone around you was eager to please the King of Pop, to any extreme it seems.

Yes, you were extremely talented and willing to put your all into whatever you took on and it showed almost beyond compare. But you were also beset by demons that nothing you did could slough off no matter how hard you tried and frankly in the end it was your undoing because I don't think you put the same effort in ridding yourself of them as you did in creating/recreating yourself and spending money you didn't have. They killed you man, they had control of you and they flatlined your ass into the ER and you let them. Paid them in fact. You let them Michael, you alone, plain and simple.

And now I'm supposed to feel sorry for you? No, sorry man I'll have to leave that to those who had a vested interest in your love and affection and could see past your faults. Meanwhile let me try and get back some of that lost time I have from ingesting and digesting all that is MJ.