"For a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself..."
Seems that the fool in me had overpowered the rational idiot side of late, aside from any recent, breaking events, and I've let this malignant force control the horizontal and the vertical within the id willingly. But I think I've conquered this effront and beat it back into it's corner with a few upper cuts and a left jab (Ok so I threw in a rabbit punch or two but it worked...).
This has always been my complaint about the innerself. "It's Ok, I'm a guy this is what we do sometimes" I hear myself rationalizing back in the corners of my mind, and/or "I'm reaching middle age it's expected" Oh yeah? Tell that to those who might care/ are impacted/ may give a crap or have something to say.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Lost, one Dave...
I would like him back, do you have him and if so can you give him back please? You don't have him, well where the hell is he then?! Don't know, hmmm what to do, what to do then because I'm losing my mind here, oh please give him back...pretty please with sugar on top. Do I need to quote a James Brown song or something... Hmmm maybe he wondered off on his own, probably and it figures, just when you think he's keeping up on the trail he goes off on his own and gets attacked by lions. Damn him...
(photo previously used, now used a second time to an even lesser effect...)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
1 in 5
I became a father out of exuberance. Our friends, Mark and Teri had just a baby girl and I could see that look in my love's eyes. So I made good on that look, sent the boys for a swim and made the girl honest. 9 months later Weston was born and it's been 5 years since. We always sort of felt, at least more recently, that the man-child needed some competition. Initially I shrank from the thought, of course the rest of me didn't. Nothing became of any of it, and for a while there thankfully as a mortgage and a small family was more than I could sustain without the help of creative financing, a bit of luck and eBay. Things gradually improved and I was back on my feet and ready to rule the roost again.
So with some trepidation we began thinking about the 'competition', well words lead to action and action to reaction and eventually... nothing happened. Hmmm worked before, what's up now? Well we're all a bit older maybe those swimmers have lost their stamina... maybe the targets aren't dropping into their position or have begun to run out. Step in medicine and the wonders of science. As it was the fault lay in the recieving end, high FSH levels were at fault apparently. We trudged on hoping for the best (I guess) until one day I was informed of the '2 stripes'...More hmmmm, so off to the lab for confirmation. And it's confirmed, so joy wonderous joy, ah but wait been there and had hopes dashed, so take 'er easy and wait and see.
7 weeks go by...
One gets one's hopes up by obvious signs of wonderment, I must say even I, Mr. Dubious had more than a twinge of joy. But life obscures life as much as life begets life, (at least in my case) so things get rearranged by the daily vicisitudes... Life is like that I guess, unless it's in your face you have the option to engage or disengage. So I was going to wait for the tipping point I guess.
That wasn't in the cards.
I get a call at work on my cell and see it's from Laurie. Intuition tells me something is wrong, as I knew she was at the doctor's this morning for a prenatal visit, and the poor reception and garbled voice give me more to run with. When I get to a place that I can get proper reception, my intuition is validated. During a normal office visit it was determined that viability was not ocurring, no fetal heartbeat. A second ultrasound with better gear is required and I need to get Weston from school.
The ultrasound tech did a good job handling the situation of parents not to be and sent us on our way up to the Doc who would be handling things from that point. The D Call (?) doctor is what we're told to ask for, I know immediately who this person is and I suspect Laurie does as well. We go up to the 4th floor to meet this person. Now on the way to this office we pass by: Decedant's Records, Birth Certificate office, Labor and Delivery and what the hell else that seemed oddly ironic/significant. I made no comment, no need to make the situation worse. Sure it's a hospital and this stuff might in them, but it had a ring of irony nonetheless, so we trudge on for the ultimate word. And we both know what that is to be. The doctor we saw has a tough job, I couldn't find fault in him or any of his staff and he gives us the low down and ghe options. Laurie opts to let nature take it's course, and I can see her feelings on this. The guy in me might say "go ahead, do what you need to do", but this is not my decision and I make no comment on this matter.
......................
I had hoped to fill this space with some happier news today but the cards were not responding to my dictates and I need to post my thoughts of the day, which in contrast to yesterday's silliness runs the gamut I guess. Any Merlot left???
So with some trepidation we began thinking about the 'competition', well words lead to action and action to reaction and eventually... nothing happened. Hmmm worked before, what's up now? Well we're all a bit older maybe those swimmers have lost their stamina... maybe the targets aren't dropping into their position or have begun to run out. Step in medicine and the wonders of science. As it was the fault lay in the recieving end, high FSH levels were at fault apparently. We trudged on hoping for the best (I guess) until one day I was informed of the '2 stripes'...More hmmmm, so off to the lab for confirmation. And it's confirmed, so joy wonderous joy, ah but wait been there and had hopes dashed, so take 'er easy and wait and see.
7 weeks go by...
One gets one's hopes up by obvious signs of wonderment, I must say even I, Mr. Dubious had more than a twinge of joy. But life obscures life as much as life begets life, (at least in my case) so things get rearranged by the daily vicisitudes... Life is like that I guess, unless it's in your face you have the option to engage or disengage. So I was going to wait for the tipping point I guess.
That wasn't in the cards.
I get a call at work on my cell and see it's from Laurie. Intuition tells me something is wrong, as I knew she was at the doctor's this morning for a prenatal visit, and the poor reception and garbled voice give me more to run with. When I get to a place that I can get proper reception, my intuition is validated. During a normal office visit it was determined that viability was not ocurring, no fetal heartbeat. A second ultrasound with better gear is required and I need to get Weston from school.
The ultrasound tech did a good job handling the situation of parents not to be and sent us on our way up to the Doc who would be handling things from that point. The D Call (?) doctor is what we're told to ask for, I know immediately who this person is and I suspect Laurie does as well. We go up to the 4th floor to meet this person. Now on the way to this office we pass by: Decedant's Records, Birth Certificate office, Labor and Delivery and what the hell else that seemed oddly ironic/significant. I made no comment, no need to make the situation worse. Sure it's a hospital and this stuff might in them, but it had a ring of irony nonetheless, so we trudge on for the ultimate word. And we both know what that is to be. The doctor we saw has a tough job, I couldn't find fault in him or any of his staff and he gives us the low down and ghe options. Laurie opts to let nature take it's course, and I can see her feelings on this. The guy in me might say "go ahead, do what you need to do", but this is not my decision and I make no comment on this matter.
......................
I had hoped to fill this space with some happier news today but the cards were not responding to my dictates and I need to post my thoughts of the day, which in contrast to yesterday's silliness runs the gamut I guess. Any Merlot left???
Monday, June 26, 2006
It's trash I smell and other observations/rants of the day
The breath of the morning
I keep forgetting.
The smell of the warm summer air.
I live in a town
where you can't smell a thing,
you watch your feet
for cracks in the pavement. *
I woke up, did my daily ritual and went out to the car to go to work. Funny thing the day smelled like trash. It did, really. Never smelled it before and not sure why now. I've smelled it other places most notably at the 805/52 interchange, there's a dump there. Smell it there most balmy mornings, never when it's cold, damp or rainy. I don't look forward to smelling it by my house tomorrow or any other day frankly.
Women:
Why do they ride your ass, and I'm not just talking in a relationship but on the freeway at 60-70-80mph. I see it all the time, occasionally I'll see some dude doing it, but mostly gals. What's up with that ladies??? Give us some room please...
Cellphones and driving. Yes we all do it to one degree or another, but I think the female side of humanity tends to gravitate more towards this behaviour than men, at least from what I can see, and we're not talkin' just a quick burst of gab it appears that major, life changing decisions are being discussed . OK, so that's ancedotal, do you want me to run some studies? While driving?
WalMart:
I observed today that most WalMart shoppers cannot park properly. Granted this is not just a WM phenom, but it seems that a high percentage of them have trouble getting their (usually giant assed truck/SUV) vehicle reasonable straight in the dock. I did noticed I wasn't that much better though...
Trash and more trash. The parking lot is also probably one of the dirtiest I've seen for such a new establishment. Granted their open late or even 24/7 but man talk about crap everywhere and the vehicles the average shopper drives, they drip more oil, tranny fluid, coolant and whatnot than is allowed by the EPA.
*Subterranean Homesick Alien - Radiohead
I keep forgetting.
The smell of the warm summer air.
I live in a town
where you can't smell a thing,
you watch your feet
for cracks in the pavement. *
I woke up, did my daily ritual and went out to the car to go to work. Funny thing the day smelled like trash. It did, really. Never smelled it before and not sure why now. I've smelled it other places most notably at the 805/52 interchange, there's a dump there. Smell it there most balmy mornings, never when it's cold, damp or rainy. I don't look forward to smelling it by my house tomorrow or any other day frankly.
Women:
Why do they ride your ass, and I'm not just talking in a relationship but on the freeway at 60-70-80mph. I see it all the time, occasionally I'll see some dude doing it, but mostly gals. What's up with that ladies??? Give us some room please...
Cellphones and driving. Yes we all do it to one degree or another, but I think the female side of humanity tends to gravitate more towards this behaviour than men, at least from what I can see, and we're not talkin' just a quick burst of gab it appears that major, life changing decisions are being discussed . OK, so that's ancedotal, do you want me to run some studies? While driving?
WalMart:
I observed today that most WalMart shoppers cannot park properly. Granted this is not just a WM phenom, but it seems that a high percentage of them have trouble getting their (usually giant assed truck/SUV) vehicle reasonable straight in the dock. I did noticed I wasn't that much better though...
Trash and more trash. The parking lot is also probably one of the dirtiest I've seen for such a new establishment. Granted their open late or even 24/7 but man talk about crap everywhere and the vehicles the average shopper drives, they drip more oil, tranny fluid, coolant and whatnot than is allowed by the EPA.
*Subterranean Homesick Alien - Radiohead
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Ghosts in the machinery
Bodie is an amazing collection of trash, ramshackle buildings and forgotten people. Sure there is a history, but many of the people who came and went are lost to the wind and dust that permeate the remains of a long ago day.
What was once a thriving gold mining town on the edge of the eastern Sierras, the boom/bust cycle that is life has lain waste to the best laid plans of mice and men.
What was once a thriving gold mining town on the edge of the eastern Sierras, the boom/bust cycle that is life has lain waste to the best laid plans of mice and men.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Needs, wants, desires
I just love feeling needed... I'm not sure how much of me there is to go around though. It never hurt to ask, right?
Home again
Hmmm yes home at last, nothing quite like one's own bed, bath and beyond. Oh yes and work, now there's something that never changes and is always in front of you like some damn old blue hair in a Buick with her blinker on for the last 4 and a half blocks grinding away at your patience. Could be worse though, could be rainin'...
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Today's update thanks to Trout Town Joe's...
I wish I had the time, I'd fix their Linksys wireless setup for a meal...
The highlights so far-
SF:
Lots to do and not a lotta time to do it, so we made do with what we had. Went to the typical spots, Fisherman's Wharf, Palace of Fine Arts, Chinatown, Cable cars etc. Didn't do half of what we hoped but saw the town just the same. It's all recon for future getaways, vacations and whatnot. High point was Weston's observation after getting a total laff out of a joke toy butt that farted when activated by motion; "I guess they like butts in San Francisco!" Yes Weston I guess they do...
On to Yosemite:
Plans come and plans go, and well many of my plans have gone by the wayside, but that's Ok I can get by any old way. Weston came down with a cold and it was decided to spend the night in a proper room instead of a tent. Found a decent cabin at a Thousand Trails close to the gate. Ah the wonder of God/Nature/Supreme Deity that is Yosemite. It's all it's cracked up to be even with tourism bustling in and around it's magnificent shadows of huge monoliths thrusting forth from the lush meadows. I'm glad I faced my own fears to see this wonder.
And beyond:
The road that runs through YNP, the 120 is not open for long. It seems like they road crews spend 2 months clearing it only to have it filled up again in 2 months. I'd hoped it have been open in time to go through on to the 395, but no way charlie, you gotta backtrack and go to the 108 and make a 4 hour detour. Now after going back down the Old Priest grade was a bit of a pain and then heading back east up the 108 slightly monotonous, once we got into the Dardanelles things picked up quick and the wonder of the Sierras was evident once again, oh and then the Sonora Pass. At 9200 some odd feet it took a 24.5% grade to get from 7000' to the pass at 9200' all in low, all at 10-25 mph. Oh and then back down at 12-15% grades to such and such valley. Crazy stuff, Johnny Walker helped in Bridgeport to settle the old nerves...
Today we're in June Lake and planning to go up to Bodie to see how people lived way back and then Mono Lake and hopefully the Devil's Postpile near Mammoth. And then tomorrow it's home with a stop in Bakersfield to drop Melanie off at the train station and a tip of the old hat to Buck...
The car is a mess from the travel inside and out, I can see how my next weekend will be spent.
The highlights so far-
SF:
Lots to do and not a lotta time to do it, so we made do with what we had. Went to the typical spots, Fisherman's Wharf, Palace of Fine Arts, Chinatown, Cable cars etc. Didn't do half of what we hoped but saw the town just the same. It's all recon for future getaways, vacations and whatnot. High point was Weston's observation after getting a total laff out of a joke toy butt that farted when activated by motion; "I guess they like butts in San Francisco!" Yes Weston I guess they do...
On to Yosemite:
Plans come and plans go, and well many of my plans have gone by the wayside, but that's Ok I can get by any old way. Weston came down with a cold and it was decided to spend the night in a proper room instead of a tent. Found a decent cabin at a Thousand Trails close to the gate. Ah the wonder of God/Nature/Supreme Deity that is Yosemite. It's all it's cracked up to be even with tourism bustling in and around it's magnificent shadows of huge monoliths thrusting forth from the lush meadows. I'm glad I faced my own fears to see this wonder.
And beyond:
The road that runs through YNP, the 120 is not open for long. It seems like they road crews spend 2 months clearing it only to have it filled up again in 2 months. I'd hoped it have been open in time to go through on to the 395, but no way charlie, you gotta backtrack and go to the 108 and make a 4 hour detour. Now after going back down the Old Priest grade was a bit of a pain and then heading back east up the 108 slightly monotonous, once we got into the Dardanelles things picked up quick and the wonder of the Sierras was evident once again, oh and then the Sonora Pass. At 9200 some odd feet it took a 24.5% grade to get from 7000' to the pass at 9200' all in low, all at 10-25 mph. Oh and then back down at 12-15% grades to such and such valley. Crazy stuff, Johnny Walker helped in Bridgeport to settle the old nerves...
Today we're in June Lake and planning to go up to Bodie to see how people lived way back and then Mono Lake and hopefully the Devil's Postpile near Mammoth. And then tomorrow it's home with a stop in Bakersfield to drop Melanie off at the train station and a tip of the old hat to Buck...
The car is a mess from the travel inside and out, I can see how my next weekend will be spent.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Travel log - Star Date 61006
What's the point of planing and purchasing stuff if you forget it? I knew I had forgotten something, but I couldn't think what it was until we got into our first night's location and had the tent setup - The latern I'd got the week before... Good thing I'd brought a small flash light...
Another thing about planning and executing is to consider the unforseen, so how do you plan for that?, it's UNFORSEEN right??? Ah no grasshopper you must see with your mind's eye and then put that into action... So where do i find my mind's eye anyway? Ah my son that's a zen thang buddy. Great, thanks...
So with that in mind I'd planned on leaving extra early, like 4am... what was I thinking? Someone had told me about getting through LA and all that and I wanted to be at San Simeon early to set up camp and see the Hearst castle by 1 or 2. Wasn't gonna happen. Ill prepared anyway, I'd had an HOA meeting the night before that drug on and wasted my precious time. Oh well so it goes... So we left around 8am.
Yes LA is a great big freeway Mr Bacharach, and I only kinda know my way to San Jose... A pit stop in Oxnard at 11 and lunch in Solvang at 1 put us in San Simeon by 5. I set up the tent (or pitched for you lovers of double entendre...), got some provisions back in Cambria and $17 later we had hot dogs and marshmellows! So then it was bedtime and a night on the cold, hard ground.
We broke camp the next day and pressed on to parts north. Weston decided he'd rather see the aquarium in Monterey than Hearst castle so we drove on without futher adieu. Of course now traveling with kids is payback from our parents when they drove us on vacation, right? His fav line was: How many more minutes? And of course he only wanted to hear his music, not daddy's.
My brother and I had driven down from Frisco once in a rusty Chevy Vega back in '78 on the PCH and I recalled it with fond memories, seen through the foggy lens of history. He drove and I rode. Well I'm afraid of heights, like blood and guts the mere mention of them gets me stirred, yeah I know it's irrational to a degree but I hate 'em nonetheless. So with white knuckles and sweaty palms I drove up, down and around Hwy 1. Thank god for the tall redwoods and lush valley of Big Sur to calm me down.
Had lunch in Big Sur at noon and pushed on to Monterey. Made it there in time to see the aquarium (Doc would be proud...) and have a look see then push on to SF.
Having brothers and sisters in various major points if interest makes for cheap lodgings, next vacation... Hawaii, Steve-o!
I'm glad someone has decided to leave an open wireless AP open as well, my sister only has dial up so hat's off to you j's house...
All for now...
Another thing about planning and executing is to consider the unforseen, so how do you plan for that?, it's UNFORSEEN right??? Ah no grasshopper you must see with your mind's eye and then put that into action... So where do i find my mind's eye anyway? Ah my son that's a zen thang buddy. Great, thanks...
So with that in mind I'd planned on leaving extra early, like 4am... what was I thinking? Someone had told me about getting through LA and all that and I wanted to be at San Simeon early to set up camp and see the Hearst castle by 1 or 2. Wasn't gonna happen. Ill prepared anyway, I'd had an HOA meeting the night before that drug on and wasted my precious time. Oh well so it goes... So we left around 8am.
Yes LA is a great big freeway Mr Bacharach, and I only kinda know my way to San Jose... A pit stop in Oxnard at 11 and lunch in Solvang at 1 put us in San Simeon by 5. I set up the tent (or pitched for you lovers of double entendre...), got some provisions back in Cambria and $17 later we had hot dogs and marshmellows! So then it was bedtime and a night on the cold, hard ground.
We broke camp the next day and pressed on to parts north. Weston decided he'd rather see the aquarium in Monterey than Hearst castle so we drove on without futher adieu. Of course now traveling with kids is payback from our parents when they drove us on vacation, right? His fav line was: How many more minutes? And of course he only wanted to hear his music, not daddy's.
My brother and I had driven down from Frisco once in a rusty Chevy Vega back in '78 on the PCH and I recalled it with fond memories, seen through the foggy lens of history. He drove and I rode. Well I'm afraid of heights, like blood and guts the mere mention of them gets me stirred, yeah I know it's irrational to a degree but I hate 'em nonetheless. So with white knuckles and sweaty palms I drove up, down and around Hwy 1. Thank god for the tall redwoods and lush valley of Big Sur to calm me down.
Had lunch in Big Sur at noon and pushed on to Monterey. Made it there in time to see the aquarium (Doc would be proud...) and have a look see then push on to SF.
Having brothers and sisters in various major points if interest makes for cheap lodgings, next vacation... Hawaii, Steve-o!
I'm glad someone has decided to leave an open wireless AP open as well, my sister only has dial up so hat's off to you j's house...
All for now...
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Goin' up the country, baby don't you wanna go...?
Ah yes the Summer vacation, I remember them well. Jean Shepard did too in Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss, and his recollections are oddly similar, must be the Midwestern thing.
A recent family email from my father recalling a vacation to the Canadian Rockies got me thinking about doing the same with my family, so I started planning... And planning.
Though I've lived the better part of my life in California, I've never been to Yosemite or much of the Sierras. I guess a trip from SF to SLC once years back could do for having been thru them but I digress.
So let the trip begin, I'll post when I can with a pic or two for all you who care to partake via the interwebs...
I'm going up the country, baby, don't you wanna go
I'm going up the country, baby, don't you wanna go
I'm going to some place where I've never been before
I'm going, I'm going where the water tastes like wine
I'm going where the water tastes like wine
We can jump in the water, stay drunk all the time
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
All this fussing and fighting, man, you know I sure can't stay
Now, Baby, pack your leaving trunk, you know we got to leave today
Just exactly where we going I can not say
But we might even leave the U.S.A.
'Cause it's a brand new game, and I want to play
No use of you running or screaming and crying
'Cause you got a home as long as I've got mine
A recent family email from my father recalling a vacation to the Canadian Rockies got me thinking about doing the same with my family, so I started planning... And planning.
Though I've lived the better part of my life in California, I've never been to Yosemite or much of the Sierras. I guess a trip from SF to SLC once years back could do for having been thru them but I digress.
So let the trip begin, I'll post when I can with a pic or two for all you who care to partake via the interwebs...
I'm going up the country, baby, don't you wanna go
I'm going up the country, baby, don't you wanna go
I'm going to some place where I've never been before
I'm going, I'm going where the water tastes like wine
I'm going where the water tastes like wine
We can jump in the water, stay drunk all the time
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away
All this fussing and fighting, man, you know I sure can't stay
Now, Baby, pack your leaving trunk, you know we got to leave today
Just exactly where we going I can not say
But we might even leave the U.S.A.
'Cause it's a brand new game, and I want to play
No use of you running or screaming and crying
'Cause you got a home as long as I've got mine
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